Tony Wilcox

WOULD YOU TRUST ME?

Trust is a tricky thing; it is something EARNED between two individuals.  It should never just be given.  Since we don’t know each other, I have not had the opportunity to earn your trust yet…in really anything.   Yet, something has brought you here, to these words that you are reading now, so I must assume that you are at least curious.  And that’s a great place to start.  Let me attempt to EARN your trust through a true story.  It’s a story about my own personal journey, a real journey that took place in this physical world we both share, but even more so, it was a spiritual journey for me…from one spiritual place to another.  Physically, it started in Big Bear, California.  Spiritually, it started in hell.

I love the mountains.   The mountains are a place I enjoy hiking, fishing, camping, off-roading and just being outside experiencing God’s creation.  It’s also a place I run to when I’m in trouble.  That’s why I was there in March of 2012.  It was late afternoon.  I was buzzed on alcohol, having drank an entire six-pack of beer while driving 45 minutes up the treacherous mountain road.  I sat parked with the engine running in a gravel lot just outside of Big Bear Lake, a picturesque community about 6500 feet above Southern California’s Inland Empire where I live.  In the passenger seat next to me rested an unopened bottle of Vodka.  I was considering suicide.  I wept.

I sat there alone in that truck just sobbing my heart out.  My frickin’ heart!  Such an effed-up, sickly thing!  It seemed to be the source of all the misery that was piling up around me as the minutes passed – bursting over with unfulfilled desires, wants and loves. 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

 – Proverbs 13:12

Physically, I was sitting in a vehicle, in a gravel lot, in Big Bear, California, on a beautiful, crisp and sunny afternoon.  But SPIRITUALLY the walls were closing in on me fast.  The evil spiritual forces of shame, sadness, regret, confusion, despair…felt as if they were literally pushing me towards death.  Thoughts of suicide entered my mind.  I’d NEVER imagined killing myself.  But I did then. 

The long and short of it is that I was suffering such a terrible spiritual state because of the physical choices I had made in the real world.  I was coming to the end of many years (I was 46 years old at the time) of living a very secretive life of addiction to alcohol, pills, porn, sex, betrayal and lies.  The harsh reality of the negative consequences from my life choices weighed heavy on me like the granite boulders surrounding the parking area, crushing the very life out of my soul – my wife had just discovered the tip of the iceberg of my addictions and I knew everything was just starting to unravel.   On the path ahead I saw divorce, alimony, child support (we have four amazing and beautiful daughters together that were all under 16 at the time), financial disaster and the shameful prospect of my (albeit false) character and reputation being destroyed.  Sadly, suicide actually seemed like a viable solution.  I was absolutely more MISERABLE than I had ever imagined I could be.

And that is where the story of my spiritual journey begins; with misery.  It’s the misery that comes from a pattern of living life by repeatedly trying to solve my spiritual problems with physical solutions.  Every addiction is an attempt to do just that; solve a spiritual problem with a physical solution (alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, over-eating, gambling, co-dependency…the list goes on).  And at the end of the pathway of every addiction…if it is taken to its farthest lengths…IS suicide.  Suicide is a perfect example of someone trying to use a physical solution to solve a spiritual problem.   It’s a perfect example because IT DOESN’T WORK.  It cannot be done.  That pursuit only produces insanity (doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result) and begets more and more misery.  If you stay with me along this journey, we’ll explore these things in more detail together. 

But here is the beauty of God’s grace and mercy for me.  It is now about 13 years after the day I just described.  Obviously, I did not end it all on that day.  I did not get divorced.  My daughters don’t hate me. Today I am the proud grandfather of 5 strapping young grandsons that all love me dearly and call me “G-Tone.”  While I did suffer real psychological, emotional, spiritual, relational and financial pain from my choices, God has redeemed most all of it now.  My wife is the love of my life!  This year we celebrated 37 years of marriage together with all of our children and grandchildren.  I’ve given her a new ring as a symbol of my love and renewed fidelity.  My daughters and entire family love me deeply, they’re proud of me and enjoy being with me.  My career has blossomed and I absolutely love the work I do.  Our finances have been repaired. Almost every area of my life that I had destroyed by my own selfish, self-centered choices has been redeemed and restored by God.  Today, I’m well on my way to become the man God originally designed me to be and I get to invest my energy and resources helping others become who God designed them to be now.

Here’s how I describe my work and purpose…

My mission in life is to know and experience God through his son, Jesus Christ, loving him above all else as I CHALLENGE, LEAD, and INSPIRE men by ENCOURAGING, EQUIPPING, STRENGTHENING and TRAINING them to do the difficult work of transformation along their own personal journeys to become the true man God designed them to be.

If you feel stuck in your life right now, I get that. If you’re lost, I’ve checked that box, too.  If you’re just frustrated with life the way it is right now, that’s ok.  ALL of that can be fixed by accomplishing ONE THING:

Becoming the man God originally designed you to be.

The Challenge

There’s a difficult trail to travel ahead. At least it has been for me – lots of hard work, setbacks and not without pain and disappointment. Traversing the great distance between the man I used to be that day in Big Bear to the man God designed has been an uphill journey. It is what I have come to call the “Upward Expedition,” a journey I’d like to have you join me on. So, if you would pack up your misery, gather your willingness and garner enough humility to say, “YES – I’m in!” then let’s hit the trail together.  I promise it will lead you to a place in your life you’ve never imagined or even hoped was possible.

The Journey

The Upward Expedition is a Christ-centered, Bible-based process that takes you on an adventure of spiritual formation in pursuit of your true identity –becoming the man God created you to be.  You’ll learn to become true to yourself, God and others in your heart, soul, mind and body.

Your first session is complimentary so we can both decide if working together is part of God’s plan.

GET STARTED WITH YOUR COMPLIMENTARY DISCOVERY SESSION

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Tony is an accomplished business leader, speaker, entrepreneur, mentor and the author of six books (Available at Amazon.com):

• The Upward Expedition (coming winter, 2025)
• Nails (fiction)
• The Joseph Scroll (fiction)
• Break It Now!
• Broken to Bulletproof
• Tickle Spiders (children’s)

Tony is also the leader of the Men’s Addiction Recovery ministry at one of the fastest growing churches in the U.S. (Sandals Church, Riverside, CA) and a co-founder of Bulletproof Strong, a non-denominational recovery ministry for men struggling with any kind of addiction, serving hundreds of men in Southern California and throughout the U.S.

Tony enjoys hiking, fly fishing, cycling and other outdoor adventures.  He and his wife of 37 years, Celeste, have four adult daughters, two sons-in-law and five grandsons (with more on the way). They live and play on a quaint, one-acre spread they call the “Wholehearted Farm” with Gunny the Wonder Dog. Tony and Celeste are constantly inviting broken people into their orbit to restore lives and marriages by helping them become who God created them to be.